Unforgotten Past
by OldiesJunkie2014
Summary: Liz Donnelly remembers something that happened long ago and it won't ever let her be. Her rescuers just want to help but will she let them in. She has to decide whether her past shall determine her future. (I'm terrible at summaries, sorry)
1. Chapter 1

This is my first story ever so if it's terrible, just blame it on my novice abilities. Enjoy or at least pretend you do.

Warning: The period between times and places may get confusing. Oh, and any spelling errors toward the end were made purposely.

******January 15, 2013

She awoke in a cold sweat. The nightmares just keep coming. She turned her head to look at the neon light coming from the clock on her nightstand which read 3:47. Outloud she asked directed at no one in particular, "Is one night of sleep too much to ask for?" She knows the reason for these sleepless nights full of nightmares or in reality, full of memories. You'd think after over 30 years, she would have forgotten but the strength of the memory is as if it only happened yesterday...

*******August 23, 1977

The court room was all a buzz. Elizabeth Donnelly had just won the Henderson case which had been going on for 3 months. She was about to give up hope when her star witness, Jane Harving had turned up dead in her home the night before. She'd been stringing the jury along for the past 3 months by using little bits of unsuccessful evidence but today Arthur Gold, the presiding defense attorney came to her before the trial started.

"Liz, your next witness is Jane Harving right?" he said in his all too famililar texan accent.

I looked back at my assistant with a look of bewilderment wondering how in the world such a top prosecutor such as Arthur could miss out on the detail that the witness was dead. It should be all over the ledger by now.

"That's right", I said while painting on a steel facade. This was too good to be true. "Well, my client want to make a deal. I'm against it but he saw one look the the witness list and asked for a deal faster than a jackrabbit. How about we drop it down to man 2?

"Man 2? Are you crazy? Henderson stalked 4 women, raped, them and then murdered them. He's not getting anything less than 1st degree manslaughter. You're lucky I'm not asking to put a needle in his arm."

"Fair enough, Liz. I'm not happy about it but Henderson doesn't want the court to hear the girl's testimony, so we'll take the deal.

Suddenly someone calling her name broke Liz out of her reverie.

She looked over her shoulder to see David Thomas, a man who happens to be very persistent to an exasperating level. As he approached me, I had a feeling that it wasn't going to be easy to get rid of him nicely.

"Elizabeth, I heard you won the Henderson case. How bout' I take you out for a celebratory drink?" "I'm not sure that's a good idea, David. It might give the wrong impression and you know how I don't like mixing business with pleasure, plus don't you have some skirts to be chasing or something?," I asked with a satisfied smirk hoping he would get the hint.

"Come on, Liz. It's just a drink with a colleague. You know you want to go and I'm not going stop asking until you agree. Plus, Saturday is my skirt chasing night," he said while wearing a cheshire grin.

God, this man can be impossible. I think his ego makes up for the size of his manhood or lack there of. "Fine, I'll get my things then we can head down to Clancy's Bar down the street." I hated seeing the self satisfied grin on his face and the way he always looks at me as if I'm a pastry. I'm going to make this as quick as possible.

As we walked into the bar, I was grateful that there was plenty of people there so I wouldn't have to be alone with David longer than I had to on the way here. We went an sat on the stools at the bar.

*I'll have a Dewar's neat, what would you like Liz?" I pondered whether I should just have a glass of water but realized that after spending time with him, I was going to need a drink. "I'll have a dry martini, two olives." Then a couple of defense attorneys came up and congratulated me for winning the case.

"So Liz, I heard Arthur is taking it pretty bad about losing the case especially since he just found out that your star witness was dead. He wondered how you kept such a poker face while talking about the girl. I just smiled and answered him with "I'm a damn good prosecutor, and Arthur would be broke if he tried me with a game of poker." After a few more people came up and congratulated me, there was once again the awkwardness feeling David's eyes trail over me. I just hope I can get out of here soon.

About an hour later, David was three sheets to the wind and I still had all my senses. Well, most of them anyways.

"Come on Liz, let's dance," David said in slurred words. Before I had a chance to refuse, he had a hold of my arm dragging me to the dance floor. Damn, he had a strong grip. I figured I better get this over with. He'll probably be passed out soon anyways.

I felt him draw my body closer to his as we were nearly compressed together. "You know David, it is possible to dance within an inch from a person," I said hoping he'd let loose of his hold on me but he didn't.

As I felt his hands slide down towards and then on my derriere, I decided that dancing time was over and shoved him away and rose my hand to slap him but before my hand reached his face, he grabbed ahold of my wrist and pulled me back against him. I struggled to get free but it was no use.

"David, let me go now or you'll be sorry," I said with as much forcefulness that I could muster. "Awww, Liz,yuub beeeen playin hard ta get fur far too long.

"I think the lady said to let go," said a voice behind me. I strained to turn to see who the voice belonged to but David's grip was too tight. "I don't believe this is any of your business, Cragen." Ahh Donald Cragen, thank god. Maybe he can arrest him. God, that'd be a dream come true.

"I'm making it my business and if you don't let her go, you're going to have to answer to me and I'm sure that everyone in this bar wouldn't mind helping me kick your ass." This made David loosen his hold on me and turn to Donald. He began to swing his arm at Donald but as his arm lurched forward, he began to stumble and Donald took this as his chance to uppercut him. David fell straight to the floor and not responding to anything.

I turned to Don and said, "Well, I knew he'd pass out sometime. I just didn't know how or when." This made Don chuckle and then he motioned for me to come sit with him leaving David on the ground. As we sat down I thanked him by saying, "Thanks for saving my virtue and bruising your knuckles for me, Captain." "Anytime, Lizzie but I'm sure you would have eventually left him some scars to remember your heels by," he said smirking.

Hmm. Lizzie? Nobody calls me that except my father. I like it, I thought smiling to myself. Whoa get a hold of yourself girl. This man is married. Wait, why am I worried. We're just friends...


	2. Chapter 2

January 16, 2013

"All rise for the honorable Judge Elizabeth Donnelly."

Right as the baliff finished, all attention was turned to the judge who was just coming through the door of her chambers. Donald Cragen, in fact the whole svu team noticed that Liz looked a little under the weather and as if she hadn't slept in weeks. They were closer to the truth than they had thought. They all sat as the baliff motioned them so.

"The trial case Thomas vs. People will now begin," the baliff said with so much authority that you'd question if she was even a woman.

Liz looked over the courtroom, "Defense, where is your client?" "I apologize, your honor but my client seems to be missing." "Find him!", she barked looking directly the the svu squad. "Court will proceed tomorrow at the same time. Mr. Langan, I suspect your client will actually show up." she said as she banged her gavel down and started to leave to her chambers.

As the courtroom began to empty, Donald Cragen decided it was time to have a little chat with Donnelly.

The sound of knocking disturbed Donnelly from her thoughts and as she opened the door, she was happy yet slightly confused to see Cragen standing in her doorway.

"Elizabeth, can we talk?" "Yes, of course, come on in." As she said this, he made his way over to the couch and sat down, patting the spot beside him and grateful when she obliged and took the seat he offered. As he looked at her closer he knew that he was right in thinking she hadn't gotten any sleep.

"Liz, what's the matter? You never get this worked up over a case, or is it something personal that's bothering you?" She looked at him unsure whether or not she should tell him what's on her mind but remembered that she's a tough-as-nails judge with no emotions. Looking back, she remembers all the names she has been called over the years. Not too long ago, Detective Stabler even called her a cold-hearted bitch. A cold-hearted bitch would not be on the brink of tears getting ready to pour her heart out to a man with whom she has known for over 30 years. No, a cold-hearted bitch would not do that. Ugh, pull youself together Donnelly.

"There's nothing wrong, Don. Just tired I guess." "That's bull shit, Lizzie and you know that I know you far better than that." "Liz, you were there for me when Marge died. Let me be here for you."

"Don, we're already even. Actually you're quite ahead in the shoulder to cry on department. You helped me through my first divorce and there are many other times when I couldn't keep my head up in which you stuck by my side. But, as I said before, there's absolutely nothing wrong." She hated lying to him but she didn't want to burden him with anymore of her problems. He's done enough already.

"Fine, Liz but remember, I'm only a phone call away." His eyes were filled with so much sincerity that it made me feel even worse.

"Bye Donnie, and thanks."

******Few hours later

A musty smell filled her senses. It was dark and damp and the only sounds were coming from her own shallow breaths. She started to rise up from the cool ground using her hands for support. As she got up, she suddenly felt dizzy and landed with a thud back on her knees.

"Breathe. Just breathe." she told herself. "Ahh, what the?"she said as she winced in pain. She reached her hand up to her temple and felt a slightly sticky substance and found the source of her pain.

Just as she did this, she could here slight shuffling near. As she looked up, she could make out a silhouette of a figure about seven feet in front of her.

"Who are you and where the hell are we?" she said as she strained to make out the figure standing in front of her.

"That doesn't really matter now does it, Elizabeth?"

The voice was menacing and most definitely male and sent shivers down her spine.

"How the fuck do you know my name and you still haven't answered my first question." she said trying to muster as much strength as possible.

"Tsk. Tsk. Such vulgar language for such a lovely lady. We're going to have to fix that, now won't we?"

"What the hell are you talking about?! she said in an icy tone that would make most cringe."You have a lot of explaining to do you bastard."

"Manners Lizzie. Manners." he said as if he was enjoying toying with her. She had a very confused and slightly scared look on her face.

Enunciating each word slowly, he hissed, "Elizabeth. You've been a bad girl."

"Judge Donnelly! Judge Donnelly!" an outside voice called. "Are you alright?"

My eyes suddenly jerked open. I was back in my chambers and covered in sweat with a terrible headache.

"Y-yy-ess. C-come in." she said smoothing out her skirt trying to make herself seem presentable and poise. "What do you need?"

"Miss Donnelly, you sounded as if you were screaming at someone so I came to check. Is there anyone here?" asked the young intern whom was intimidated by the older sucessful blonde in front of her.

"No, just me. Listen, forget anything you heard. I was just venting." she said dismissing the girl. She just hoped the girl was smart enough to get the hint.

"Oh, uh a-alright." she said knowing something was wrong but it wasn't her place to get involved with her boss' personal issues. "If you need anything, buzz me. Oh, and you got a call from Trevor Langan, the defense attorney of the Thomas case. He asked if he could schedule a meeting with you. You're free tomorrow at nine before court. Is that okay?"

"Yes, fine." she said with a wave of her hand wondering what Langan wanted hoping his client wasn't going to be a no show tomorrow. "You can leave now, Miss Jones." She felt like a bitch being so blunt with the girl but she was too stressed to care.

"Yes ma'am." the young girl said as she left the office.


	3. Chapter 3

**The Next Day **

** *knock* *knock***

"Come in." Liz said not looking up from her paperwork.

"Judge Donnelly, Trevor Langan is here to see you. He also invited the prosecution of the case, Casey Novak and Captain Cragen." the girl said with a bewildered look.

"Did he say what his reasons are? Nevermind. Just send them in." Liz stood to greet the people coming into her chambers.

Trevor Langan walked in first grabbing her hand and pulling it to his lips while saying "Elizabeth, how are y-" ..."Mr. Langan, during trial, it'd be more appropriate for you to call me Judge Donnelly." she said cutting him off and pulling her hand out of his grasp before it reached his probably disease ridden lips. "And I'm fine, thank you." Behind Langan, she could see Novak and Cragen stifling a laugh.

"Hello, Liz. How's your daughter?" Casey Novak asked as she shook her former boss' hand.

"She's good. She just had her 33rd birthday so she thinks she's getting old. What she doesn't realize is that every year she's older is another year I have to lie about my age. Some day, we may end up the same age if the years go by as fast as they have been." This made the prosecutor laugh.

"Lizzie, don't worry because everytime I see you, you look younger than the last time." Cragen said with a self-satisfied grin.

"Donnie, you just saw me yesterday." she announced in disbelief that such a tough guy could be so sweet. "Yes, I know. Yesterday, you looked twenty six. Today you look 25."

"You're full of shit, you know that right?" Liz said raising an eyebrow. "Well, that's just my charm." Don said grabbing each side of his sports coat cockily.

"Ahem, can we get on we this meeting, please?!" said a very agitated Langan.

"Yes, of course. What was it you wanted?" Liz asked realizing she was getting far too personal in the office.

"I've recently gathered some information and have come to the conclusion that you're not fit to be judge in this case. You're too close to it." Liz sent him an icy glare. "Not fit?" Oh, that little bastard. How could he say I'm unfit to try a case. He's unfit to be in law.

"What I'm trying to say is we want you to recuse yourself."

"We?" Son of a bitch.

"My client and I. If you refuse to, we'll just take our information to another judge and have you forced to recuse yourself. It's your choice. The easy way or the hard way."

"Depends. What kind of information do you have that should make me think I should recuse myself?" she asked with an icy glare. This prick wasn't getting away with this that easily.

"You and my client were co-workers. Am I correct?"

Where was he going with this. "Y-yes, that's correct. About 30 years ago. What's your point?" Liz said keeping up her icy facade.

"That not all there was between you two, was there?" He said with a self-satisfied smirk.

"What are you getting at counselor?" Liz asked starting to get nervous.

"Well, according to my client, this isn't your first time dealing with a trial titled _People vs. Thomas."_

"Elizabeth, what's he talking about?" Don asked as he reached up to touch her shoulder. "Oh Cragen didn't you know? Liz here. Oh, excuse me. Judge Donnelly here accused my client of assaulting and raping her in 1980 but lost because the evidence was contaminated and the case was thrown out. My client doesn't want the Judge here to have biased opinions and convict him guilty because of their past. He's worried about her being out for revenge. Now, you see my dilemma her don't you? I have no choice but to have you recuse yourself which you should have done before the trial started." he said with as much bitterness as possible

As Don looked over at Liz, he saw that she was ghost white and her icy facade was wearing down. Right about now, he wanted to punch that son of a bitch in the face but decided against it given he was on the job. Much more than that, he was hurt that he didn't know this about someone he considered a best friend and a person he hoped he could build more with one day. "Lizzie, is it true?"

Liz looked at him with tear brimmed eyes knowing he was hurting. She raised her hand up to his which was still on her should and gave it a gentle squeeze confirming his question.

She looked over at Langan, "Have the papers sent to my office and you can have your damn recuse."

Langan nodded curtly at her and left along with Novak who needed to leave because she couldn't face her once boss and friend without breaking down for her.

"Oh Lizzie, why didn't you tell me?" Cragen asked as he pulled her into his arms for a tight embrace. As he did, the dam bust and all the pent up emotions that she'd been holding back let loose.

It seemed as if hours had passed of him just holding her in his arms but it was probably only 15 minutes. After a while, he led her to the couch and sat her down with his arm wrapped around her shoulders and her head leaning on his chest. He wished he could get up the nerve to tell her how he felt but now would be a bad idea as she might think he's taking advantage of her during her solemn state.

"Thank you Donnie." she said in barely a whisper as the sobs were ceasing.

Soon enough, she drifted off to sleep. He kissed the top of her head slightly as he said the words, "Sleep well, my love. We'll talk to later"

One day he told himself, she will be his and he'll be able to protect her from anything that comes their way.

One day.


	4. Chapter 4

(Spelling errors made were on purpose)

*1980*

"Dammit, Don. Drop it okay? I told you I'm fine. I don't need anyone to talk to. I just need a fucking drink." Liz yelled with an exasperated look recieving stares from others in the bar and a warning look from the bartender.

"Elizabeth, as much I as believe alcohol helps, you've had a little too much." Don said grabbing her by the arm and pulling her to the back room where there was less of a crowd. "Now tell me, what's going on?"

"Nothing. I'm as peachy as a peach. Wait a minute. Isn't that kind of redunnndant? I mean a peachy peach. We already know the peach is peachy. It's a peach, duh." She said giggling with an amused look.

"Lizzie, you're lying to me. Now tell me the truth. Is it about your wedding?" Don asked hoping he'd get some where.

"Sowry Capn', your shit outta luck."She said saluting and bring her hand down on the last part.

"Jesus, Liz. Talk to me."

"I'll make ya a deal. You get me anoder drink, an I'll telk to ya." she said reaching her hand out for a hand shake.

"You don't need another drink."

"Then you done needa know." she said knowing she won.

"Fine, deal." he reached out to skake her hand. He left and came back with a drink in a white cup.

"What's this?" she asked inspecting the cup.

"Black coffee." he said grinning at her irked expression. "You told me to get you a drink. You never said what you wanted. Therefore, I chose what would be best for you. Now, we made a deal and a Donnelly doesn't welsh on a deal."

"Your forgetting sumtin Cragen. I've been a McCoy for a week now. An, trust me. McCoy's often welsh on deals. I should know. I married the king welsher." she said with a slight chuckle.

"Jack wasn't suppose to go on that trip to Washington, was he? Cragen asked with a look of sympathy.

"Nope. He was suppose to be off for a week but like we all know, that's not how the law works. That's the least of my problems right now anyways." she said as she took a sip of coffee and avoiding looking him in the eyes.

"What else is going besides lack of sex?" he said attempting to get a smile out of her which he did.

"Trust me Donnie, we had one day of our honeymoon that probably makes up more than others two weeks worth." she said making Don blush. It's obvious that the alcohol has made her more open than she otherwise would be. He motioned to the bar tender for another cup of coffee noticing Liz finished hers.

"No matter how much this topic intrigues me, you changed the subject, Lizzie. What's going on?"

"I just lost a case due to evidance contme. Contame. Dammit. Con-tam-in-a-tion." She said enunciating each syllable slowly causing Don to stifle a laugh. "I have a feeling the defense plotted this but there's no way of provin it. We didn't even make it to trial." she said pouting and slumping in the seat near her. "Lena Petrovsky called me thiss mornin to tell me the bad news. Soo, I came here ta drown my sorrows. And I was doing great at it til you showed up."

"Liz, it's just a case. You shouldn't let it control your life. Plus, you never get worked up this much during a case or even after you lose one. This one is no different than any other case." he said sounding concerned

"Ha. Welp, this one hit a little tooo close ta home. I'm goin home." she said rising from the chair. "Thanks for the coffee." she said as she placed a chaste kiss on his cheek.

"Do you want me to call you a cab?"

"Nope, I'm walkin." she started walking away

"God, you are stupid when your drunk, aren't you?" He said while grabbing ahold of her arm and then helping her get her coat on. "I'm calling you a cab, and I"m escorting you home. I don't want you to turn up in the precint for being attacked."

"It's not the best offer I've had but I guess it's not the worst either." she said giving him a wink and laughing when he rolled his eyes at her and without him noticing the look of anguish on her face after the bit about being attacked.

"Funny. Don't make me report you to your husband. I don't think he nor my wife would apprecitate you hitting on me." he said showing her a cheshire grin while leading her outside.

"Your wife loves me. She'd share. Plus, I'll just tell Jack that you offered to be my escort for the evening. I'll let him take it how he wants. Technically, I wouldn't be lying, unlike you. Intoxicated people can't be held responsible for what they say."

"You seem to be in all your senses. That coffee is working fast. Can you sing your alphabet backwards for me?" Liz rolled her eyes.

"I can't do that when I'm sober. Let's here you do it big shot."

"Uhhmm. Oh, I better call the cab. Wait by the door?" He was back soon later and they headed outside.

A few minutes later, a cab was pulling up along the curb as Don raised his arm to call it.. "After you." Don said as the cab came to a hault and he opened the door. Liz got in and scooted to the other side making room for Don.

The ride to her home was silent. As the cab stopped, Liz opened the door and got out while turning to thank Don. What Liz wasn't expecting was for Don to get out of the cab with her and the cabby taking off. Liz started fummbling around with her purse trying to locate her keys. After what seemed like a tortuous task, she finally found them.

"Do you want some coffee or anything?" she asked trying to break the silence and tripping over a cardboard box in the entry way. "Shit. Damn boxes. Never move Donnie. It causes nothing but stubbed toes."

"I don't plan on it. Where'd you guys find this place anyway?" he asked surveying the area noting all the unopened boxes everywhere marked with names of various rooms.

"My parents bestowed this lovely 3 bedroom Manhattan brownstone upon me. I believe their exact words were, "Who wouldn't want a free apartment with a great view in the most expensive area ever?" How could I refuse?" she said flinging her arms around for emphasis.

"And Jack was okay with this? I mean, he's not the type of man who can take something without working for it."

"Oh, trust me. I know. I almost started World War 3. I reasoned with him by telling him that I would inherit the place no matter what because I'm an only child so why not take it before my parents kick the bucket so we don't feel guilty about having it."

"And that worked?" Don said with a doubtful look.

"Lets just say a little persuasion goes a long way with Jack." she said winking at him.

"Enough said. Details are not needed." he said raising his hands as if in surrender.

"Good, cause you weren't gonna get any. Alrighty, if you wanna make your way through the wreckage and follow me to the kitchen, I'll make us some coffee." receiving a relieved look from Don. "Yes, I did say us. I'm willing to sober up just for you." she commented over her shoulder while making her way through the boxes. "Party pooper." she said sticking her tongue out.

Sitting down, Don decided it was time to get her to start talking. "Now that we're alone and you're mostly sober, will ya tell me what's up?"

Standing with her back towards him, she slowly turned off the pot of coffee and turned around. "I think I might need another drink." she said with her eyes downcast.

"Liz, I need you sober. Sit. Now." he grinned as she complied. Cupping her and in his, "Liz, talk to me. I know that it's not because you lost some case. There's something else, isn't there?" he asked practically pleading.

WIth tear brimmed eyes, she looked away. "Jesus Don. Why do you have to be so damn caring?"

"What can I say? It's just the type of guy I am." he said playfully hitting her shoulder.

"Seriously though, Donnie. I don't want to burden you with my problems."

"Was it something McCoy did? I can talk to him if you need me to. Tell him to be home more."

"No. It has nothing to do with Jack. Just me. Plus, I work as many hours as he does if not more so I understand him being gone. Now, I'm going to ask you one more time. Will you please drop it?" she asked starting to break down.

"Dammit Liz. I just want to help. I'm your friend and I care about you." Suddenly the phone rang. Liz walked over with a look of relief on her face. Grateful for the distraction.

Gaining her composure and putting on a stealy facade, she answered the phone. "Donnelly. Yes, I can. I'll pick them up in the morning. Yes. Thank you. Bye." she said to someone on the other line and then hanging up. "I think it's time you head home. I have to be at the office early and your wife has probably already called the station looking for you." she said dismissing him.

"I called Marge after I called for the cab. She understands and told me to take my time." He said not giving up quite yet.

"Donnie, please." she practically begged with tear brimmed eyes. "Just go.." she said in barely a whisper.

"Fine. I won't pressure you to talk to me but everyone cares about you and has been noticing the way you've been acting. We just want to help. It'd be nice if you'd let us." Making his way towards the front door, he said his final words before leaving. "Take care of yourself, Lizzie."

With a nod of her head she pushed the door shut behind him, using it to stable her skaking body. Once closed, she fell to the floor in consistent sobs.

"What am I going to do?" she asked herself between sobs...But she knew the answer. There was nothing she could do.

Not yet...


	5. Chapter 5

_I know it has been a while since I've posted, sorry. I've been busy with life. So, I'm going to try to get back in to this whole writing thing ;) _

***2013 : Morning after chapter 3***

A peircing knock woke her from her restless sleep. "You've got to be shittin' me." she said aloud while groggily sitting up in her bed. Getting up and walking towards her bedroom door, she grabbed her robe and wrapped it around herself. After being assured that she was covered, she walked down the hall towards the front door. But before she got there the door opened itself. Pausing in the middle of the hall, she peered around trying to see who the intruder was.

The first thing she saw was a brown paper bag and her eyes momentarily lit up until she scanned up and saw the owner of the hands that were holding tha bag.

"Hello Liz. Food?" the man said holding up the bag with an enticing aroma.

"Jack?! First of all, how the hell did you get in here? I took away your key long ago. Secondly, why are you here? And most importantly, what's in the bag?"

"Ahhh, Liz. Your priorities are slightly mixed. Okay, let me see if I get the order right. Firstly, the door was unlocked which is a big no no. You live in one the most dangerous cities in the country and even more dangerous for a woman of your occupation. If you didn't know, a lot of people don't like that you put their loved ones in prison and may want to cause you harm. Secondly, we need to talk about what's been going on. I heard a lot of things that I don't like. I feel I've been blind-sided. And according to you, most importantly, these are fresh doughnuts from the bakery on West 47th Street. Were my answer satisfactory to you?

"What do I have to do for the doughnuts? Wait before you answer, remember we're divorced and I'm a respectable judge" she said adding emphasis to respectable.

"That's very funny...Mrs. Robinson..." Jack said receiving a glare.

"Seriously, that was one time! From what I remember, you liked how I got that nickname. And you know what, it never made since to give me that nickname because you're older than I." she said smugly.

"I liked how you got that nickname a lot." he said almost losing thought in rememberance then shaking off his inappropriate thoughts. "Except, I don't think it was a professional thing to do in seduce your boss during work hours but that's besides the point because this is your little stalling tactic and I'm not falling for it. So, if you want some delicious doughnuts, you're going to have to talk to me and explain some things."

"You're lucky you know my weaknesses or else your ass would be out that door,"she said nodding to the door in front of her. She then led him over to the couch and hesitated. "Can I at least change into something visitor appropriate before we get into an in depth conversation and possible shouting match?"

"Liz, it's not like I haven't seen you in a lot less so sit your Irish ass down. Plus, we may be here a while so you might want to be comfortable," he said pulling her down beside him and watching her pout. "Jeez, Liz. You're acting like a 5 year old. Do you need me to go get your blankie?"

"Yes. And a glass of milk please. Also, you could hand over those doughnuts anytime soon." she said with a childlike grin that'd make any man crumble.

No wonder he fell in love with this woman. "Here, take the doughnuts but you're going to have to eat and talk." He said as he practically watched her devour a doughnut. "Damn, how long has it been since you've ate," he said only slightly joking.

"Uhmmmm... I think it was yesterday morning." she said with a mouthfull.

"What!? Why haven't you ate?" he said with a worried expression.

"Just stressed and not enough time. It's not a big deal, Jack. If you're going to belittle me about not eating, I'm going to ask you to leave."

"I'm sorry. Being divorced doesn't mean I can't care about you," he said while reaching over to grab her hand. He was surprised when she responded by pulling him to her and wrapping her arms around him. He just held her and let her cry in his arms for a little while. Deciding that even though he was enjoying having her in his arms, he needed to figure out what was making her so emotional. She never broke down like this before.

"Liz, talk to me. I heard you got recused and when I asked Cragen, he just brushed me off and said it wasn't something he could tell me. So, I want you to tell me. Why?"

Sniffling a few more times, Liz sat up then adjusted herself so that she was laying her head in his lap. "I was forced to recuse myself because as you know, I use to work with David Thomas until he was fired. "

"Probably because he was a creten. But that's no reason to be recused." he said now realizing that he was stroking her hair. She didn't seem to mind so he didn't stop.

"Jack, please. Just let me finish." and as he nodded his head, she continued. "It wasn't the fact that we worked together. It was that they didn't think I was fit because we had a separate past other than being co-workers."

Oh god, Liz. You weren't sleeping with the man were you?!

"Jack, shut up...No, I wasn't sleeping with him. I would never willingly come in contact with that man.

"Then what?"

"He was charged with assault and rape in 1980 but the case didn't make it to trial because supposedly, the evidence was contaminated." she looked up at Jack and noticed he had a questioning look on his face waiting for the relevance of what she was saying. "And,I uhm...was the vicitm.." She said the last part in a hoarse whisper. "Jack, before you say anything at all, just let me finish the whole story or else I don't think I'll ever get it all out." Noticing that he stayed quiet, she continued.

" The day after you left for Washington, I decided there was no use taking the day off since you weren't home so I went to work. When I got there, David stopped me to talk about what had happened at the bar when Don punched him out. I thought he was going to apologize for being an ass and he sort of did but he started hitting on me again. I got tired of it so I said a few things that he didn't like. Mostly about him being a spineless, drunken, bastard. He stormed off and I thought that was the last I would see of him that day. But, I was wrong. I left for home around 7, 7:30 and when I got there, everything seemed fine. Nobody was there, at least nobody I could see. I hung up my coat and purse and went to our room. Taking off my heels, I headed to the bathroom and I started to undress when I noticed a relection in the mirror that wasn't my own. Before I could react, there was a hand over my mouth and I then there was blackness."

"Chloroform."

"Yeah. When I woke up, I was in our room. Naked. And tied to the bed post. I wasn't quite alert enough to truly comprehend what was going on but then I saw a figure coming toward me. I realized who it was and started screaming at him and cursing him. He slapped me and then he called me a bad girl and said he'd have to teach me a lesson. I spit in his face trying to make him feel less superior but that just angered him even more so he grabbed ahold of my jaw and came close. I could feel his hot breath as he whispered that it would be much easier on me if I behaved. As you know, I'm stubborn and don't listen well so I told him to shove it up his ass. I suppose I should have listened because I ended up with countless bruises, a broken rib cage, a split lip, and a bite mark wound on my chest. After he realized I was exhasusted from his beatiings he, he uh... I'm sorry, I can't. I can't do this anymore.." she said as a few single tears rolled down her face and started to get up ready to run and hide.

"Oh my god Liz. How did I not know? I feel it's my fault. I should have been home. It was our honeymoon for christ sake. I should've never left. I'm so so sorry. I wish you would have told me. If you did, I'd probably be in prison myself though. " he said as he grabbed and pulled her into an embrace and kissed the top of her head. "I promise I'll never let anything happen to you again."

"Jack, that's not the worst part." she said pulling back and looking into his eyes.

"What could be worse than what you've just told me?

"Rebecca may not be your daughter." she said with a look of shame.

********The next day. Captain Cragen's Office.**

***knock* *knock* *knock***

****The door's open, Don called to an unexpected visitor. "Jack, I take it by the look on your face that Liz has told you everything. You must be going through hell." Don said wondering how to console his friend.

"Understatement of the century. Although Liz is probably feeling a lot worse. Oh that reminds me, there was a worse part. Ha. My daughter may not be mine. It may be my wife's rapist. How could I have not know? Dammit!" he said slamming his fist down on the desk.

"Jack, the only way you could have know is if Liz wanted you to. She was a good lawyer. She knows how to hide what she's feeling. I know you'll do what's right with Becky. It's going to be hard but it's best to know the truth so it doesn't eat at you the rest of your life." Don said wondering if his advice would help in any way.

"Not as hard as what I'm coming to terms with right now.."Jack said looking away.

"What do you mean?" Don asked trying to get a look at his face.

As Jack looked up he said, "I've realized that I'm still in love with her."

**DUH DUH DUH! There's conflict in the house. What do you think?**


End file.
